Thursday Thirteen #32: Things I'd Like to Say to my Neighbors.

1. What are you doing with that tool kit? It doesn’t look like you’re actually fixing anything.

2. Why can’t you and your girlfriend argue INSIDE your house?

3. You should have kept playing the saxophone even after you patched things up with your girlfriend. You were starting to get good.

4. Please stop putting your trash in my can. The disposal company charges extra if the lid isn’t all the way down.

5. Thanks for the tool box. Since you left it on top of my garbage can for three days, I assume I can keep it.

6. Of course my lawn isn’t as green. You’re supposed to be rationing water.

7. Thank you for helping me break into my house. No, I don’t really want to give you a copy of the new keys.

8. I love watching your kids run up and down on the sidewalk, but I gotta wonder; are they afraid of grass? They never actually play in your actual yard.

9. I understand your girlfriend’s need to scream at you, but does she have to do it at 3am.?

10. Hey, can I borrow that weed whacker? It must be a magic weed whacker, because it’s the only thing I ever see you use, but your lawn is always perfect.

11. If your dog insists on jumping the fence into my yard, you’re just going to have to live with it when my husband chasses it around with a broom.

12. When I said you could have some of my apricots, I didn’t expect you to show up with a bushel basket. I intended to use some of them too, you know.

13. Do you have to look so pained when I bring around a plate of Christmas cookies? Relax. I didn’t expect anything in return.

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