Ah Maria, It’s a Royal Dressing Down

So many people became embroyled in the stalemate between Marie Antoinette and the King’s mistress, Madame Dubarry – starting with the king’s daughters and ending with, of course, Mom; Maria Theressa of Austria.

Marie Antoinette’s continued slighting of Madame Dubarry had finally been pushed to it’s logical, or perhaps I should say illogical conclusion. France and Austria were facing the possibility of war. This was not Marie’s fault alone. Brother Joseph’s connivance in the partition of Poland was the event that was causing the most strain between the two countries., but his little sister’s unbelievably gauche behavior was not putting King Louis in a good mood. Add to this the undeniable strain between Marie and her husband, the fact that not only were there no babies forthcoming but the young couple didn’t even seem to be trying to make them, what was up with that?

The only person in all of Europe who really could speak to Marie, to tell her what she needed to to be told, was mom. Mom didn’t like this because she was more than aware that she was going to order her daughter to be nice to a whore, but, that’s life. Sometimes you have to find a way to get your gay husband to impregnate you, sometimes you have to kiss and make up to your father-in-laws favorite A-number one “girlfriend.”

Wrote Maria to Marie:

The dread and embarrassment you show about speaking to the King, the best of fathers, about speaking to persons you are advised to speak to! What a pother (her spelling) about saying “Good day” to someone. A kindly word concerning a dress or some trumpery. Mere whimsy, or something worse. You have allowed yourself to become enslaved to such an extent that reason and duty can no longer persuade you. I cannot keep silent about this matter any longer. After your conversation with Mercy and after all he told you about the King’s wishes and your duty, you actually dared to fail him. What reason can you give for such conduct? None at all. It does not become you to regard the Dubarry in any other light than that of a lady who has the right of entry into the court and is admitted to the society of the King. You are his Majesty’s first subject, and you owe him obedience and submission. It behooves you to set a good example, to show the courtiers and the ladies at Versailles that you are ready to do your masters will. If any baseness, any intimacy, were asked of you, neither I nor any other would advise you to consent; but all that is expected of you is that you should say an indifferent word, should look at her beseemingly-not for the ladies own sake, but for the sake of your grandfather, your master, your benefactor! (Punctuation and paragraph indentations, or lack thereof, are hers.)

Well! Why didn’t she say so! Marie Antoinette finally, really, truly gave in. On New Years Day, 1772, during after dinner chit-chat, Marie turned from the woman she was speaking to and said something to Dubarry. What she said, I know not. It was short, she said it quickly and returned to her conversation with the other lady. But it was enough. Anything at all would have done the trick “Nice dress” or “Is that a new fur stole, or did your cat die?” All she had to do was say something to Dubarry to, in turn, give Dubarry permission to speak in her company.

The alliance was saved! Hooray! The Dauphin still wasn’t sleeping with Marie, the Polish situation was causing an international uproar, With Austria as the Bad Guy, Maria was getting older by the day and the Empires enemies were neither going away nor getting less numerous, but, her feckless daughter and King Louis’s jumped-up whore of a “girlfriend” were finally on speaking terms. What a great time to be alive.

— Mr. Al