Suzie’s House 27: The Taste of Defeat

“Cloves?”  Suzie tried not to sound strangled, but her throat closed down over the taste of spaghetti sauce with enough cloves to coat a ham roast.  A large one.  The flavor of cloves, tomato, and hamburger shouldn’t have been so devastating, but every part of her from tongue to toe revolted against the sweet, numbing peculiarity of it.  “Couldn’t you find the garlic?”

Vin’s jaw closed with an audible clack.  He looked like he couldn’t decide if he should laugh, cry, or throw up.  Drew set his fork down slowly.

Suzie looked down at her plate with a sense of despair.  How was she going to choke down the whole thing?  She had barely managed to actually swallow the first bite.  With a palpable sense of anticipation she joined the other two in watching Miranda take her first bite of the stuff.

Miranda blanched.  She choked, wheezed, then grabbed up her napkin to spit the concoction out.  “Gah!  That is the worst tasting spaghetti I’ve ever had!”

Everyone started laughing.  Suzie set her fork down with an overwhelming sense of relief.  If Miranda couldn’t eat the stuff, surely she didn’t expect anyone else to.

Vin laughed so hard he ended up with his face on the table, his plate shoved far toward the middle.  He kept pounding the table with his open palm and hiccupping tight little guffaws.  Tears streamed from his eyes. Suzie didn’t think it was THAT funny.

“At least the noodles are good,” Miranda said in a small voice.  She looked at Vin with a deepening blush.  As his face was turned the other way, he was oblivious to her distress.

“I don’t understand,” Drew said.  “what makes it taste so…  so….   What did you put in it, Miranda?”

“Suzie said spices.  So I put in cinnamon and cloves.”

“I had no idea how hideous spaghetti could taste with cloves.  I like to think I’m an adventurous eater, but that was… alien!”  Vin’s eyes widened.  He pulled himself off the table and wiped at his eyes, still grinning.

“I should have made Alien From the Backyard,” Miranda muttered.

Suzie eyed her narrowly.  How did Miranda know about that recipe?  Suzie had invented it for Ben when he was only seven or eight and hadn’t used it since he started middle school.  It was their own little secret.  The only place in the world it existed was…  “You didn’t get into my recipe file, did you?”  She couldn’t have, or she’d have used the spaghetti sauce recipe.  Wouldn’t she?  No, because Suzie had leant it to Cindy, one of their neighbors.

Suzie tossed her napkin to the table.  “Come on,” she growled, grabbing at Miranda’s arm as she rounded the dining room table, headed for the kitchen.  “Let me show you the easy way to do it.”

 “Oh God,” Miranda said as soon as they entered the kitchen.  “I’ll never live this down.”

“Not if I can help it,” Suzie muttered.  Considering all the times Miranda wouldn’t let her live down little mistakes, she thought it only fair to keep this memory fresh for a while.  Besides, “Next time you intend to go through my recipe file, ask permission.”

Miranda gulped eyes wide.  “Suzie, I am sooooo sorry.  I only poked through it for a minute.  I was desperate!  It’s not like you have a ton of recipe books, you weren’t home, and I wanted to get tonight’s meal right.  I really wanted it to be good.”

“Well, it was memorable,” Suzie conceded.  “Look.”  She opened the freezer and took out a Pyrex container of pre-cooked spaghetti sauce.  “I make my spaghetti sauce in batches, then freeze portions.  You can pop them out of the containers into a pan and cook until it all melts or put them in the microwave.  A block this big will feed all of us.”  She put the container back, and took out a couple of one-cup sized containers.  “But let’s use these two tonight because they will warm faster in the microwave than the bigger one.”  She put one in the microwave and set it for five minutes.

“You mean all I had to do was heat it up?”  Miranda looked horrified.

“That’s right.”

“Oh God.” She flopped into a chair and covered her face.  “I didn’t have to make a fool of myself at all.  If I’d known it was in there…”

“Oh come on, Miranda.  It wasn’t that bad.”

Miranda glared at her.

“Ok, you’re right.  It was pretty bad.  But it could have been worse.  It only tasted weird.  It’s not like you poisoned us.”

“I wish mine was poisoned.  How will I ever face… any of you…” Miranda glanced toward the door into the dining room through the butler’s pantry, where the men could be seen sitting at the table.  Vin seemed awfully full of himself.

“Did Vin say something about your cooking before dinner?”

“No,” Miranda stared at her long, glossy nails, which traced patterns on the kitchen table.  “Why would he?”

“No reason.”  The microwave dinged.  Spaghetti sauce bubbled merrily over the sides of the container.  Suzie put it on a plate.  She leaned into the door way.  “Drew!  Would you mind?”  She held up the plate.

“Is that YOUR sauce?”  Drew eagerly hurried into the kitchen.

“Yes.  You and Vin eat this.  Miranda and I will be out with another in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.”  Draw’s voice was a little too grateful, considering how Miranda slumped in her chair.

“Miranda, come here.  I want to show you something.”

Miranda dutifully shuffled over to where Suzie held the freezer door open.  “This is pre-cooked lasagna.”  Suzie pointed to several packages.  “You see there is plenty of spaghetti sauce.  Here’s a selection of some of my better soups.  There’s the fish sticks Ben likes.  Instructions are on the package.  These ones in the green lids are all casserole.  That’s pre-cooked chicken.  And look, a frozen pizza.  You’re welcome to serve any of this whenever you want to.”

Miranda looked at her with something close to worship in her eyes.

“Thank you, Suzie.  I owe you.”

“Yes, you do.”  Suzie said. “And here is something else you should know about.”  She opened a cupboard.  The second shelf was full of recipe books.

Miranda looked suitability chastened.

“Bring in the spaghetti sauce from the microwave, will you?”

“Yes.  Yes, of course.”  Miranda jumped to it.

Suzie took the recipe file off the shelf and headed for her office.  Apparently she was going to have to keep it under lock and key.  The recipes in the file weren’t replaceable.

The previous was Suzie’s House 26: The New Chef

This is Suzie’s House 27: The Taste of Defeat

Next is Suzie’s House 28: Hey Babe