T13: Things People in My Family Have Said

Yeah, I’ve done this before, but they keep talking. I gotta share. Warning, some of these are tasteless.

1. The Boy – “I found something I’m allergic to in my dreams. The clouds around the gates of heaven. Some of them followed me back and I sneezed, and sneezed, and sneezed.”

2. The Girl – After saying something to me while I was typing. “Oh sure, now you answer me. It was a 30 second wait.” The scary thing was, it really did take that long.

3. The Boy – In reference to what you have to do to get something back in class when someone swipes it. “You” wiggle finger “Floor.” Knowing nod. “Yeah.” (He only thinks he looks tough.)

4. Mr. Al – When I cornered him in the bedroom, he held his socks in front of his bare chest. Me: “What? you’re going to fend me off with those?” Mr Al: “Aren’t they enough?” Looks down. “Oh. I guess not.” Yeah, they weren’t.

5. The Boy – While in the grocery store pointed at a Snuggles fabric softener bottle and said. “Look at the cute Teddy bear. He’s drowning. And look at that one.” Points to same brand, different formula. “His eyes are closed. He’s already dead.” Said in soto voice like he was being nice instead of being a teenage boy whose mother has no idea what the heck to do with him.

6. My Mother to a neighbor – “Someone stole an iris from your yard. And I got a red ribbon for it (in the Iris Society show).”

7. The Boy – “Go to the prom?” Blank look, then shakes his head. “Oh, that. No, I’m already kicked out of that.”

8. The Girl – “Wait. It wasn’t like that. If we walked into the house then. um. uh. I was thinking of a funny thing, um, and then it sort of turned into a confusion thing.” I’m still not sure what she was talking about.

9. The Girl – I was telling her about an old dress that had belonged to my grandmother’s mother that I tried to wear. The results were regrettable. Little flakes of fabric everywhere. “It didn’t pass the thumb test. No, it didn’t even pass the stay-on-the-body test.”

10. The Girl – Me: “Girl, quit pounding the counter with my drumstick. Are you trying to drive me nuts?” Girl: “NO! Well, mostly no. Kind of. Yes, MOSTLY no.”

11. The Boy – “I do too know how to wipe a table. I just don’t want to until I move out. If I have a table, that is.”

12. The Girl – In reference to misreading something. “My mind PhotoShopped it.”

13. The Boy – after dive-bombing his sister and I. “Ow, I broke my spleen.”

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Tracie
Mary Quast
Nessa
Paige Tyler
Emily/Randomability
Calico Contemplations
Celticlibrarian
Happily Retired Gal
storyteller at Small Reflections