By George! What did Beau Say?

But let us turn for a moment to a question that my readers are sure to be wondering about. What did the Prince look like at this stage of the game? Funny you should ask. I’ll give you a hint. This little ditty was making the rounds during the time he assumed the Regency.

Not a fatter fish than he
flounders around the Polar sea.
See his blubbers-at his gills
What a world of drink he swills…
Every fish of generous kind
scuds aside or shrinks behind;
But about his presence keep
All the monsters of the deep…
Name or title what has he?….
Is he Regent of the sea?
But by his bulk and by his size,
By his oily qualities,
This (or else my eyesight fails)
This should be the Prince of Whales.

Charming, no? The author of that piece got two years in prison for writing it. Now…what did he look like? Here is a description of him as he appeared at the time of the ball.

“He was forty eight years old, but he looked as though he might be several years older. His features, though still quite handsome, were overblown and heavy, and the expensive oils, ointments, creams, pastes and unguents which he bought in such immense quantities from his perfumers and which were applied so assiduously to his almost copper coloured skin made it look wax-like rather than youthful.

He had lost some weight since he had turned the scales at over seventeen and a half stone.( No, I do not know how much a “stone” weighed. But I’m sure it was a lot.) in 1797, but his well corseted pantaloons could not disguise the fact that he was still extremely fat. His Grey eyes were rather watery. The flesh beneath his chin tended to sag into the folds of his immensely high neck cloth; and artificial pieces were required to maintain the luxuriant appearance of the thick brown whiskers that adorned his cheeks.”

Not a pretty picture.

The Prince’s bulk was more than an aesthetic problem. It caused him many painful physical problems that he treated with increasingly large doses of narcotics and alcohol. Even his doctors had the cure right this time. Lay off the rich foods, no more laudanum, alcohol in MODERATION ONLY! A glass of port before dinner, one or two GLASSES of wine with dinner, (The Prince routinely put away three bottles of wine with his evening meal.) Fresh air and EXERCISE! Lose that gut!

Needless to say, His Rotundness blew them off. His appearance also played a leading roll in his final blow-up with Beau Brummell. I shan’t insult my readers intelligence by telling you who Beau Brummell was. Y’all know more about him than I do. But did you know…. He and the Prince had been having minor run-ins over the years mainly because of Brummell’s refusing to show due difference to the Prince’s station.

His Highness might be breezy and casual with his friends. His Highness was free to behave as he pleased with those beneath his station, but God help anyone who presumed to return that familiarity. Mr Brummell did. Repeatedly. In one instance, Brummell was a guest at Brighton Pavilion when he, according to a witness, ” Incurred his masters displeasure in the following manner. The then Bishop of Winchester, perceiving Brummell’s snuff box with-in his reach, very naturally took it up and supplied himself with a pinch; upon which Brummell told his servant, who was standing behind his chair, to throw the rest of the snuff into the fire, or to the floor. The Prince (who had a great reverence for bishops) all the while looked daggers: he gave Master Brummell a good wigging the following day, and never forgot the insult offered the bishop.”

But worse, much worse, was to come.

Not long after the business with the Bishop, the Prince arrived at a ball being held in the Argyle Rooms. He spoke to their mutual friend, Lord Alvanley, and completely ignored Mr. Brummell, who was standing next to his Lordship. Mr Brummell got his cravat in a bunch over being thus snubbed and called out to his Lordship in a loud voice, “Alvenley? Who is your fat friend?”

Lord Alvenley’s fat friend and Beau Brummell were no longer on speaking terms after that, although the Prince decided he wanted a bit of revenge before cutting Brummell from the social registrar. Some time after this, Brummell was invited to dine at Carlton House. Thinking that the Prince had, once again, decided to look the other way after being grossly insulted, he accepted the invitation.

At dinner, Mr Brummell had too much to drink, as the Prince knew he would. Waiting until the table was cleared, the Prince turned to the Duke of York and said, in a loud voice, that the Duke should ring the servant’s bell and summon Mr Brummell’s carriage while he could still walk, If they waited any longer they would have to embarrass themselves by pouring him into it. And no one wanted to see THAT spectacle, surely.

Beau Brummell ” Stood, left the room and never spoke to the Prince again.” There were many things the Prince was willing to forgive. An insult, delivered loudly at a ball, regarding his appearance was not one of them.

– Mr. Al