Suzie’s House 454 : Still Too Many Characters

While I critiqued Lisa’s work, Ben got antsy. He pulled at his lower lip, glanced between us, and shifted weight in his seat. I thought he wanted to say something, but when I looked at him, he looked away. At last, he picked up his manuscript and banged the bottom of the stack of paper on the table to line up the pages, then stuffed it into his backpack. A field of cookie crumbs appeared where the paper had been. I got up to get a washcloth.

“So you see why I can’t cut Giles, or Marcial or Rudy out of the scene,” Lisa said.

“I never said you had to take any of the characters out of the scene. It’s a party. There should be a bunch of people there. But not all of them have to say or do anything, and you don’t need to name them all.” I wiped up the crumbs.

“I get that.” Ben nodded.

“So when…” I looked over Lisa’s shoulder for the names in the manuscript. “When Isabella walks in the room Giles is on one side of the room and Marcial on the other. Right?”

“Yeah. I can write it that way.” Lisa nodded.

“Then everyone else should be crowded around either on one side or the other. You don’t have to name each person. If you do want to make particular note of a character, then have him doing something different from the rest – like touching either Giles’ or Marcieal’s shoulder, or running between the two groups.”

“Couldn’t I just have both Giles and Marcial all alone?”

“If you want to show that neither has any moral support, yes.”

Lisa bit her lower lip doubtfully.

“Um…” Ben shifted weight again.

“Yes?” I looked directly at him.

“Oh, uh…. nothing.” He flopped a hand in the air. “Later.”

“Alright.” I turned my attention back to Lisa. “When you don’t have as many people in a scene you can use their names less often. That moves the point of view closer to the characters. In a scene like this, the technique backfires. All those “he” and “she” comments get confusing, so use names more often. And this guy…” I pointed at a name. “Did you change his name in the middle?”

“Some of the characters use his last name and some his first, depending on how close they are to him.”

“Again, that can be an effective technique, but not here. The more characters you have in a scene, the more you have to keep it simple.”

“Simple.” Lisa looked thoughtful for a minute, then started crossing out entire paragraphs. “So I can get rid of this, and this….”

I almost told her not to tear the whole manuscript to pieces, but this wasn’t a temper tantrum. Even if her feelings might be a little tender from the critique, I trusted her to know where to draw the line.

“So, more people is all right?” Ben looked as if the question had special meaning, but I couldn’t tell what that might be.

“Sure. As long as you can keep it from getting confusing. Just remember, use more dialogue tags, don’t do roll call inventories of who is present, lump people together as much as you can, don’t try to give everyone a name or activity, respect your emotional arcs, and pick descriptions of groups that tie in with your point of view for the scene.” I could have said more, but their eyes were glazing.

“No. I mean….” He lost the thread of his thought.

I waited, but nothing more was forthcoming. “So, do you have anything for me to read this time?”

They both shook their heads.

“Then your assignment is to produce the next scene, and these are you vocabulary words.” I passed out slips of paper I’d prepared ahead of time. “So how about…” I reached behind me for the calendar.

“Um. Next time? Can we bring a friend?” Ben looked hopeful. Lisa glanced at him then nodded vigorously.

“A friend?” Seemed like I was getting more and more students. I hoped the increase in critique work wouldn’t mess with my deadlines.

“She wants to learn about poetry.”

“Oh. Sure. That I can handle.”

Lisa and Ben high-fived as if they had accomplished more than they hoped for. I hoped I wasn’t biting off more than I could chew.

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Laurie, this is pretty much everything I have to say one the subject. Hope it helps.