Suzie’s House 452 : Too Many Characters

I handed the marked up copies of their manuscripts back to Lisa and Ben. Ironically, they had both suffered from the same writing issue this time. Too many characters caused confusion.

While they read through my notes, I put together a plate of cookies and poured some milk for each of us. They might complain that I treated them like kids, but they were both less irritable if I gave them something sweet to chew on. The milk was for my sake. Between my diet and allergies my choices were milk or water. I grabbed a box of rice crackers to keep myself out of the cookies.

“But I have to have this many people!” Ben burst out as I set the plate in the middle of my kitchen table. “It’s a battle scene!”

“I never said you can’t have a crowd. Just don’t name everyone in it.”

“That’s not going to work in my party scene.” Lisa tossed her manuscript to the stretch of table in front of her dismissively.

“Yes and no.” I sat down. “The problem with crowds is that they have two sides. On one, they are made up of individuals who each have their own GMCs”

“GMC?” Ben glanced at Lisa.

“Goal, Motivation, and Conflict. We talked about that already.” Lisa said condescendingly.

“Right. Right. I just forgot for a minute.” Ben looked embarrassed, but covered it by grabbing a cookie.

“On the other side,” I said pointedly as I got back to my lecture, “crowds have a life of their own. Not that you can apply the full internal and external GMC to crowds any more than you can do it to a setting. But they have some animal like qualities. Especially in a battle.”

I gave Ben an arch look. He flinched.

“But….”

“I don’t need a name for every soldier who dies in the scene. You’re better off focusing on strong images, the same way as when you set your anchors. Pay more attention to the over all feel of the battle. In the scene you gave me last time, you only need to keep three specific characters. All of them are ones you developed extensively in previous scenes. Develop their sections more thoroughly. As to this Sammy character, you either need to introduce him before the battle or after, if you keep him at all. He doesn’t progress the story in any way and doesn’t do anything really outstanding in the course of the battle.”

Ben scowled, but didn’t argue.

“I’ll give you, that nimble run between fights was interesting, but Sammy’s melancholy pause over the dead horse is…” I just managed to keep from saying laughable. “… You’re better off without it.”

“I don’t get the bit about crowds having a life of their own.”

“Well, for instance, in the area where Hugh is fighting there will be a lot more noise and action. Cut that part where Hugh takes note of everyone fighting around him and how they are doing. He’s going to be too busy defending himself to worry about anyone else. He doesn’t even have time to take special note of everyone he kills. But he will certainly notice how many of the enemy come at him and how strong they are. He might be dimly aware of the noise around him, though it will be opaque.”

“Yeah, but… so I treat everyone who is in the other army like they are all one person?”

“Think of it like a school of fish. Do you need to talk about the thought process of each fish in the school?”

“Well, no….”

“There might be rivers of men running through the battle field. It might be worth talking about the leader and why they would make such a push. There might be knots of men surrounding particularly good fighters, like you have here.” I turned the pages of his manuscript, then pointed. “But we don’t need a description of each person. Only the guy in the middle. If even that.”

Ben compressed his lips, clearly not happy with my suggestions.

“The prince on the hill isn’t going to be able to see anything clearly enough to know exactly who is who. He’s going to have to guess based on the way the crowds of soldiers move and the tactics he’s using.”

Ben frowned.

“Look. Just like I’ve always said, try it different ways then decide for yourself which is better. It’s your book. This is just how it happened to strike me.”

“Right, right. After the cool off period.” Ben nodded mechanically.

“That makes sense for a battle,” Lisa said. “But what about my party? I’m not going to have rivers of people running across the living room.”

“Yeah. Your scene presents its own set of problems.”

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