Suzie’s House 451 : Goofy Boys

“It’s not impolite when you’re livid,” Gene said. He thought it was obvious.

“Get out!” Ben leaned away so far he nearly fell off Gene’s bed. One hand crunched on the stack of scrap paper full of attempted lyrics. His goofy grin made Gene feel like laughing.

“Just saying.” Gene shrugged.

“You can’t mean that. I mean, what’s ruder than getting mad?”

“But livid is like… it’s beyond mad. I think when you get mad enough it’s gone past rude. It’s… I don’t know.” He shrugged again. He could see it clear in his mind, but he didn’t have any words. Just like the songs he wrote. He could do the tune just fine, but words were hard.

“I get you. When someone is mad enough it’s not just infringing on your honor anymore. It becomes actually dangerous. You can’t react the same. If you demand respect from someone who’s already really mad, you could get killed.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Gene stared at Ben in wonder and got a look of understanding back. It felt really good. “How come we never hang out anymore?”

“I-duh-know.” Ben shrugged. “You were busy?”

“Me?” Gene raised both eyebrows at once.

“Yah, Mr. Big Rock Star. You’re always running off to band practice or gigs or you’ve got a ton of people from the band in your room doing stuff like arguing about signing a contract with some sleaze in Chicago or maybe… writing… songs.” Ben sputtered a stop as he picked up one of the lyric sheets.

Gene grinned. “I even made you dance to my tune.”

“Hey, that was just… I was just getting into the mood. It’s a good song. Good for dancing.”

“But it’s not a happy song.” Gene watched to see if Ben would deny the nature of the song the way everyone else did. Like he couldn’t see it for himself.

“So what? If anyone’s got a right to not be happy, it’s you and me. You know, with our dad’s and stuff.”

“But that was last year. No, more like a year and a half ago. Now neither one of them can do anything to us. We can be happy.”

“Doesn’t mean we have to be.” Ben knotted his hands, then made himself stretch them flat on the mattress. “After my mom and dad split up, I worked real hard to make it look like I was happy. I had to be the good little boy all the time, like my life depended on it. And even when I’m trying so hard, Mom kept watching like it wasn’t enough unless I smiled. It was hard, and just made me more unhappy. I thought the world was going to end when I started acting like I really felt. Instead, it got a lot better.”

He looked up, grinning. “That’s what we should make the song about. The right to not be happy.”

“Yeah? How would it go?” Gene strummed the guitar.

“Like this!” And just like that Ben had the perfect words for a not happy enough song.

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