Just when you thought it was safe to drop by

Oh quit cringing.  At least most of my FanLit blogs have been short.

I am finding this FanLit thing a very humbling experience.  It is teaching me that umpteen million years of writing and a vast amount of education in the field of writing is not enough to overcome reader apathy.

In other words, trying doesn’t necessarily make you a good writer.

Wait a minute.  Exactly what was the smelly stuff that just hit the fan?

It’s true.  Having spent 30-60 hours a week for 40 or 50 weeks out of each year since 1999 in front of the keyboard, not to mention many, many hours in front of a typewriter over the years before that, isn’t enough to make me any good at this.

Books, classes, and critique groups seem to have helped, but they are not, in and of themselves enough.

I can not write a fabulous FanLit entry.  I CAN write at the drop of a hat.  I can come up with something that isn’t a complete waste of time to read.  But I can not make the readers stop for my promo and rave to one another that they loved with I write.  And that’s what I want.

To heck with the prizes!  I don’t LIKE Saks clothes.  I consider a contract to do a TV show a derailment of my career.  And I don’t have to do anything special to get the Border’s gift card.

So what’s the point?

I WANT AN AUDIENCE!!!!!!!

I’m sick and tired of writing for myself.  Writing for yourself is like playing tennis with a wall.  Sure, it can be done – and enjoyed –  but it’s not the same as the real game.

I want to make people laugh and cry and talk about how much they loved what I wrote.  I want them to tell their friends to not to pass it up when they get the chance because it’s so good.  I want to know that what I am doing with my life is worth while.

I don’t want to win.  I just want to do really, really well.

God help me, I’m not sure it’s possible.