Suzie’s House 391 : The Flip of a Switch

“So what exactly were you thinking? What happened to you, man?” Vin leaned forward until he could feel the hard edge hidden inside the fluff of the overstuffed chair in Suzie’s den.

“I guess I owe you that.” Drew frowned at the floor. “I told you I couldn’t face Suzie.”

“Yeah, but…”

“No. I don’t expect you to get it,” Drew interrupted with a hand held up like a traffic cop and a little shake of the head. “I’m just barely keeping it together even right now. When I hit the road, I was in a much, much worse way. Without Trent and Sonoma I don’t think I’d have lived to tell the tale.”

“Yes you would have. I was there for you, Drew. I was right there.” It still pissed him off that Drew didn’t feel like he could be relied on. “Aren’t I your best friend?”

“You certainly are.” Drew had the gall to smile. “But you aren’t experienced in drug rehab. When I hitchhiked out of Albuquerque, I had no use for any friends. What I needed was a clinic. But there is no such thing as a clinic for China Black.”

“How do you know? We could have found…”

“No.” The headshake and hand again. “Trust me on this one. Do you really think Maria called you in at the first sign of trouble? It was an act of desperation on her part.”

Drew sighed, the sound long and sorrowful as he leaned into the back of the couch. He looked at Vin through slitted eyes. It made Vin uncomfortable, which only added to the anger he kept tamped down.

“I can’t explain to you how depraved and powerful that drug is. It doesn’t work like anything else I’ve ever encountered. It doesn’t just re-arrange the chemicals in your brain for a little while. It doesn’t just kill off a few cells. It re-arranges things. I am actually psychotic now. When I walked away, I was dangerous. Maybe I still am? I’m never entirely sure where the line is anymore, and I doubt I ever will again.”

“That can’t be true.” Vin had done a little experimenting in his early twenties. He knew things could get a little hazy at times, but reality was reality. It always came back.

“Trent and Sonoma aren’t just former druggies. They work with people who are out and out psychotic. Just like me. They aren’t so painfully “non-judgmental” or clinical as the clinics, but they aren’t just friends. They run a kind of rescue mission for people like me. I don’t think there’s another place like it in the world.”

“So it’s all good,” Vin said a little bitterly. “You can just leave your friends out in the cold.”

“Cold?” Drew smiled wistfully. “You know, if it hadn’t been so cold in Yellowstone, I probably wouldn’t have met them. I followed them around Old Faithful without meaning to. Followed them all the way into the hotel. When they confronted me about it, I would have gone right back out the door if it hadn’t been so cold out.”

“That doesn’t sound like you. I mean, you always take things head on.”

“That’s what I mean. I’m not what I was.” He frowned a little, but didn’t seem to be all that upset about it.

Not as upset as Vin. It didn’t feel like he could get his point across no matter what he said or did. But what was the point he felt so desperate to make? That they were still friends? Drew didn’t have a problem with that. That Drew had abandoned him in Drew’s time of need? Like that made any sense. So what was it Vin couldn’t let go of?

When it came to him, it made Vin laugh at himself.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. You needed me, but when you walked off like that… I mean, I’m a detective. If I had really, really wanted to find you, I could have. You talk about being lucky to find Trent and Sonoma. You didn’t really need the luck. You needed better friends – the kind that wouldn’t give up so easily just because they feel rejected. But don’t worry, buddy. I’ll be there for you from now on. Whatever it takes, I won’t leave you alone again.”

“I…” It was like a switch flipped somewhere in Drew’s brain. One minute he was talking normally. The next he was staring into space like a dead robot. He even had a hand hovering in the air, unmoving.

“Drew?” A cold shiver went down Vin’s spine. Drew was gone, and Vin had no idea how to bring him back.

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