Smooth Operator
Jill: Jack! You messed up the bed, and the real estate agent is going to be here any minute now. Help me make it.
Jack: All right.
Jill: Pull. Pull harder.
Both: Huff, huff, huff.
Jill: There. Just in time.
Jill: Don’t even think about it.
Previously in Jack and Jill Sprucing the Place Up
saturday photo scavenger hunt
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Today’s theme is wrinkled
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Suzie’s House 81: Mrs. D’s Revenge
Deloris Dieter, affectionately known as Mrs. D by so many students she couldn’t possibly be expected to keep track of them all, thumped the stack of papers against the tabletop to even it out. She set the stack in her briefcase, and closed her grade book.
Another day’s job well done. She might not have a lot else to show for her life; no family like most of the other teachers, no awards or accolades like Mrs. Grant constantly received, no special talents like Jim the Jazzman, but she had the love and devotion of her students.
The school year would be ending in three weeks, and looked to be exactly as she’d expected. The smart kids were pulling A’s. The stupid ones, like Benjamin Hammaker, were pulling F’s. There was precious little between the two.
Gertie, the secretary from the principal’s office, took exception to Dolores’s grade curve. She’d actually had the nerve to sketch out a bell curve and suggest her grade spread should look like it. Even now, Deloris bristled at the condescension. As if she didn’t know what a bell curve looked like. Could she help it if her students never showed the respect of falling into one? Hardly.
Speaking of respect….
Deloris had her hands on either side of the open lid of her briefcase. The paper on top was Benjamin Hammaker. Lately she’d sensed not only a lack of respect from him, but a lack of respect from the student’s around him.
She could handle his disdain. One look at him with his narrow jaw, heavily-lashed over-sized eyes, and blue T-shirts, walking and talking just like her former step-son, and she’d known what kind of student she had on her hands. Why all the other teachers gave him good grades baffled her.
She’d sized him up and pegged him accurately the first day of class. What he thought of her didn’t matter. The other students were another matter. She’d seen the way they looked at her when she called on him in class. She knew they’d turn on her in an instant.
Deloris took Benjamin’s essay out of her briefcase. She’d only been able to find two spelling errors, but dozens of comma faults. However, it wasn’t the technical aspects of his paper that had produced this week’s F. It was his choice of topic.
City Skateboard Rules Unfair? It was no better than she might have expected of that Gene Thomas kid.
Now there was a thug in the making if she’d ever encountered one. She’d seen him in the hall, roughing up the smaller classmates. She knew what kind of boy he was, and he was even worse than her disrespectful stepson had been.
The last thing she needed was for Benjamin to start acting like Gene. Not that she’d ever seen any sign the two of them had anything to do with one another. At least, not since she’d changed the seating arrangements, putting Benjamin next to her desk and Gene as far away as possible.
But of course, that had nothing to do with the grades she gave Benjamin. She shoved the essay into the briefcase. The topic alone was reason for the F. Wasn’t it?
Except Lisa, Deloris’s best student, had made a comment the other day about how unjust the grades were, especially where Benjamin was concerned. Lisa would be watching.
Should she change the grade? Deloris actually considered it for a moment or two. Then sanity prevailed.
No. She must stick to her guns. It was the only way to control the rabid little idiots in her classroom. If she stepped back even for a moment, showed the least sign of weakness, they would be on her like a pack of jackals.
The grade would stand.
God help her if she ended up teaching him again next year.
T13 40: Jack and Jill's Packing List
Every Saturday I do a little story thing for Saturday Scavenger Photo Hunt using a couple of bendie dolls. The dolls are named Jack and Jill. They are a married couple who are trying to move, which means fixing up the house and packing. Here’s their packing list.
1. Shoes
2. White-chocolate chips
3. A ladder
4. Beer
5. Midol
6. Hairspray
7. A camera
8. Popsicle sticks
9. Bandages
10. Pet food
11. Curtains
12. A diamond ring
13. A flashlight
To see why something is on the list, click on it.
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By George! It's a Wedding… er, Another Wedding.
Regardless of all his misgivings, Prince George went ahead and married his cousin Princess Caroline.
The Big Day was 8 April 1795. The ceremony was held in the Chapel Royal at St. James Palace. The Princesses dress was so heavily embroidered that the weight of it almost caused her to fall over. The bridegroom was about ready to fall over also, but not from the weight of his clothing. The bride was led into the chapel by the Duke of Clarence. Said one historian, “She approached the alter confidently and stood there chatting away with the Duke with characteristic gusto as she awaited the arrival of the bridegroom. When he came, supported by the un-married Dukes of Bedford and Roxburghe, he was seen to be extremely nervous and agitated. He had obviously been drinking.”
Said Lord Melbourne, who served as a Gentleman in waiting, “The Prince was like a man doing a thing in desperation … … and he was quite drunk.” The Duke of Bedford, who had seen the Prince consume several brandies, had difficulty keeping the Prince on his feet. According to Lady Maria Stuart, he was so “agitated during the ceremony that it was expected he would soon burst into tears.” The Prince was not the only one to cause tongues to wag during the ceremony.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, John Moore, obviously had a problem with the proceedings that had nothing to do with the Prince being drunk. When he came to the place in the ceremony where he asked if there was any lawful reason why the marriage should not take place, he “lay down the book and looked earnestly at the King as well as the bridegroom, giving unequivocal proof of his apprehension that the previous marriage had taken place…Not content with this tacit allusion, the Archbishop twice repeated the passage in which the Prince engages to live from that time forward in nuptial fidelity with his consort…The Prince was much affected and shed tears.”
The reception was held in the Queen’s apartments. A number of people noted that the Prince didn’t speak to his new wife at all. Said Lady Maria Stuart; “He looked like death and full of confusion, as if he wished to hide himself from the looks of the whole world. I think he much to be pitied. The bride, on the contrary, appeared to be in the highest spirits when she passed us first, smiling and nodding to everyone…What an odd wedding.”
The oddness didn’t stop at the wedding.
The Big Day is, of course, followed by the Big Night. While the Prince behaved himself at the reception, to the point where one guest described him as “very civil and gracious” he began to get edgy again as the festivities drew to a close. He also began drinking again. So much so that by the time he had to consummate his marriage he, according to one historian, “Made his way into her bedroom, he fell insensible into the fireplace where he remained the rest of the night and where she left him. In the morning he had recovered sufficiently to climb into bed with her.”
Oddly enough, the first few months of the marriage went much better than anyone had a reasonable right to expect given it’s horrid beginning. The Princess seemed quite happy. She was seen taking walks with her uncle, the King, both of them smiling and laughing. Princess Elizabeth reported that Caroline spoke to her of her “present happiness” and that she professed herself to be deeply in love with her husband. The Prince reported to the Queen that Caroline was much taken with Brighton, (She aught to have been, it cost enough.) and that, bad weather aside, the two of them were getting on very well.
The Queen was delighted that things seemed to be turning out so well. Perhaps the Prince’s wild lifestyle really was a thing of the past. If that were so, she was deeply grateful to Princess Caroline for making it so. The whole family was overjoyed when news arrived from Brighton that the Princess was pregnant.
Caroline’s pregnancy progressed without trouble. As the time for her delivery drew closer the Prince was observed to be very concerned for Caroline’s well being. On January 7th 1796, Princess Caroline gave birth to a girl. Wrote the Prince to the Queen; “The Princess, after a terrible hard labor of above twelve hours, is this instant brought to bed of an immense girl, and I assure you not withstanding we might have wished for a boy, I received her with all affection possible.”
The King wrote a letter saying that he was very happy that there had been no problems. He went on, “You are both young and I trust will have many children and this newcomer will equally call for the protection of it’s parents and consequently be a bond of additional union.”
The “union” was going to need all the bonds it could get.
Guardian Dragons and the Happy Home
I like two-story houses. The thing about two story houses is that there is the barrier between one part and another. It’s a small thing – a staircase. It shouldn’t slow me down, but when I’m busy, I don’t generally want to take the time to run something up or down the stairs. So I put whatever needs to be moved on the newel post and let it sit there until the next time I’m going up or down.
Imagine my surprise when I headed upstairs one day only to find something I didn’t put there sitting on the post, waiting for a ride.
The thing is, I kind of liked the way he looked – so I left him there.
Do you have any little household habits or foibles? Do people try to take advantage of them? Do they ever surprise you? Do you ever surprise them back?
By the way, the dragon sat there for the better part of a week.
Underwater Restaurant
Want to see a cool restaurant? Me too. I’d love to try their fish sticks.
This is the Ithaa restaurant, part of the Hilton Maldives Resort and Spa. It was created by MJ Murphy Ltd, a design consultant based in New Zealand. The walls and ceiling are transparent, curved acrylic similar to those used in aquarium attractions. The email this came in said they were planting a coral garden on the reef to add to the rays, sharks, and colorful fish already living around the area.
The Yummy Summer Snack Book
This week instead of offering a recipe, I’m offering a book. I never got much use of this one because I got the book with the intention of sharing it with my kids. They out grew it before we used it. There are some great recipes in it, but when ever I reach for a book, It’s generally Better Homes and Gardens, or The Kid’s Favorites, or some such.
If you have little kids, I think you’ll like this one. Simply leave a comment on this post and I’ll include you in the drawing.
Those of you waiting for the Whisper Meme, please be a little more patient. I’m working on it.
Sprucing the Place Up
Jill: Are you done painting the bedroom, Jack? The real estate agent says every room has to be white.
Jack: Oh.
Previously in Jack and Jill Jack and Jill in the Dark
Previously in Jack and Jill Lights On!
saturday photo scavenger hunt
The rules for Photohunt can be found here.
Today’s theme is colorful
Be sure to visit the home page.
Suzie’s House 80: In Comparison
Up, B, down. Splat. The little skateboarding figure on the TV screen hit the ground with a spattering of red droplets that disappeared almost as soon as they appeared.
“No, no no!” Gene yelled. “You aren’t doing it right.”
A week ago Ben would have been upset if over-sized, bad-rep Gene yelling at him. Today he curled his lip and snarled, “Lay off.” Gene crossed his arms in a huff.
Ben glanced out the window. It was already dark. He wasn’t sure how late it was, but knew he should be going home. Instead, he was playing Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland on Gene’s X-Box. He concentrated on the little skater. Down, up, B. Tony Hawk did something, but it wasn’t the move Ben was after. In frustration, he shoved the controller at Gene.
“You do it.”
“All right.” Gene got the controller faced the right way, then whipped through all the moves, one after the other, landing them all just right.
“No fair,” Ben grumbled. “You get more practice than me.”
“Yeah? So? It’s my game.” Gene handed the controller back. “It’s up, right, B. Try it.”
“Yeah. All right.” Ben took the controller. Up, right, B. And there it was! Just for a couple of seconds, but long enough to make him feel great – Tony played guitar while his board spun under him. Then the guitar disappeared like the fake blood and Ben was busy landing. “Did you see it? Did you see!? I got it.” Ben jumped out of the folding chair in front of the folding table where the X-Box was set up and pumped his fist a couple of times.
“Shhhhh!” Gene looked over his shoulder at the front door. “Keep it down. I think my old man’s coming home.”
There was a thump and rattle at the front door.
“He is.” Gene sounded all tense. He grabbed Ben’s shoulder hard enough to hurt. “Come on. You gotta get out of here.”
“But I just learned…”
“Come on!”
They made it as far as the hall to the kitchen, where Ben could see the back door. Then the front door crashed open. Gene shoved Ben into a side branch of the hall, and kept right on shoving.
“Hey!”
“Keep it down! Do you want him to hear you?”
Ben opened his mouth to ask why it mattered, but Gene covered it with his hand and kept right on pushing until he had Ben backed into his bedroom.
Dirty clothes, wadded paper, chip bags, and other junk covered the floor. The bed wasn’t made. Ben tripped and fell. Instead of helping him up, Gene backed out of the room.
“What ever you do, don’t make any sound and don’t come out.” He closed the door behind him.
What was with him? Ben flopped around, feeling the unpleasant crunch and crinkle of someone else’s garbage under him. Everything had the fine grit of crumbs. Ben struggled to his knees, and was trying to find a place to put his feet when he heard the first shout.
It sounded like Gene’s dad didn’t want him to use the X-Box. His words were muffled, coming through the door like they were, and slurred like there was something wrong with him, but Ben could kind of tell what he was saying and what he was saying was stupid. Who bought an X-Box for themselves instead of for their kid?
Actually, kids, Ben reminded himself. Gene had a little sister who was sleeping over with a friend, which, come to think of it, might be a good thing.
As he got to his feet, the yelling got louder. Not Gene. Ben could barely hear Gene’s low murmur over his dad’s deeper, rougher voice. Then came the sound of a smack. Had Gene hit his father? Or the other way around?
Ben stumbled to the door. It was like trying to run through quick sand. He shoved it open, and almost fell into the hall. The whole time there was more sounds of hitting. It was bad. Real bad.
When he popped around the corner and could see into the living room, Gene was curled up on the floor with his arms over his head and his father stood over him with an arm raised, ready to strike.
“Oh, my God,” Ben muttered.
The man looked up, burning eyes drilling into Ben. Alcohol fumes, sticky and nose-hair curling, wafted from the man. He lurched forward. For a moment, Ben thought the Gene’s dad was going to come over and wailed on him the way he had Gene. Instead, he lost his balance, righted himself, then straightened.
“You jus’, jus’ ‘member what I said, boy,” he said to Gene.
He turned on his heel, and staggered to the door, then slammed out of the house.
“Wow,” Ben said, looking down on Gene, who was trying to get to his feet. “And I thought MY dad was bad.”
Thursday Thirteen: Signs I Drove Past Today
1. Road Construction Next 5 Miles
2. Speed Limit 45 mph
3. Fines Double in Work Zones
4. Abrupt Edge
5. Bump
6. Speed Limit 35 mph
7. Motorcycles Exercise Extreme Caution
8. Be Prepared to Stop
9. Detour Next 1000 Feet
10. Road Closed
11. End of Construction
12. Speed Limit 65
13. a white cross
You should have seen the rest of the Interstate.
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Alice
Jennifer McKenzie
Tempest Knight
Savannah Chase
SavvyOne
Becki
Paige Tyler
Shelley–save money!
storyteller
Channah
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By George! Who Do They Like the Best?
Princess Caroline and Prince George were primed to get along like oil and water, thanks to Lady Jersey. Let’s see what happens when they meet. Take it away Mr. Al.
It did not come as a shock to Lord Malmesbury that Princess Caroline’s behavior at dinner was everything he feared it would be. That didn’t make being embarrassed to within an inch of his life easier to suffer through. The Princess forgot every social rule dad had ordered her to memorize. According to His Lordship, the conversation of the Princess was “rattling, affecting raillery and wit, and throwing out vulgar hints about Lady Jersey, who was present.”
His Lordship may have been embarrassed, but Lady Jersey must have been delighted. It continued like that for the entire evening. It isn’t clear wither the Princess realized she was digging herself a deep hole. If she was not aware of the effect of her behavior was having on others; she was the only one. The Prince was appalled. He did not like his soon to be wife one little bit.
Of course, that wouldn’t stop him from marrying her. That was business after all. Thank God Lady Jersey was on hand to comfort him and make Caroline’s life a living hell. It also must have comforted the Prince to know that, dad aside; no one in the family cared for the Princess.
This had an interesting effect on the Lesser Sorts. The logic of the Masses seemed to be if the Prince didn’t like her at all, she had to be doing something right. If the general public was not ready to love her, they were more than happy to sympathize and give her that benefit of a doubt. That was more than anyone around the Prince was willing to do.
Princess Caroline is one of the great “If Only’s” of history. If only she had been astute enough, mature enough, to realize how powerful public sympathy was. All of the Prince’s supporters were drawn from his own class. The People were prepared to take Princess Caroline to their collective bosom, so to speak.
She had a limited awareness of this phenomenon. One day, a crowd of people had gathered outside a house where the Prince and Princess were visiting. The Princess came to the window, made a short speech about the “brave English People-the best nation on Earth.” And “bowed exceedingly…till the Prince shut the window and made excuses of her being fatigued.” Princess Caroline simply didn’t have the political instinct to use her popularity with the Lesser Sorts to her advantage. The history of the British monarchy could have turned out VERY differently if she had.
And now, finally, all the players were in position. The Big Day was approaching and everyone’s mind was on the wedding. Almost everyone’s. One person, the Prince, was having a hard time focusing. Something was missing. Something was not right, and the Prince knew what it was. No Mrs. Fitzherbert. It seems the Prince felt some guilt over the way he handled the breakup. Or, more accurately, the way he let Lady Jersey handle it.
He knew, in his heart of hearts, that Mrs. Fitzherbert was blameless. There was no question of going back to her. Even if Lady Jersey were not in the picture, he was getting married now. Regardless of how he felt about his new bride, he could not go around telling people that Mrs. Fitzherbert was his real wife. And Lady Jersey was not about to let her back in as a mistress. Not that Mrs. Fitzherbert would ever agree to such an arrangement.
There was something the Prince could do for Mrs. Fitzherbert, and he did it. He settled an annual allowance for her of 3,000 pounds. He even extracted a promise from the King that the allowance would be paid to her in the event of his death. The fact was, most members of the Royal Family liked Mrs. Fitzherbert. She was probably the only restraining influence on the Prince that ever worked. When the two were physically together, he behaved himself. The King was grateful for that.
But as his wedding day drew near, the Prince began thinking of her more and more. On the eve of his wedding, he sent her a note telling her that she was the only woman he ever truly loved. It was probably true. She didn’t respond. She also refused to recognize Princess Caroline as the new Princess of Wales. The world may not have agreed, but as far as Mrs. Fitzherbert was concerned, she got there first. Princess Caroline was a barbarian at the gate.
And the Prince didn’t have the luxury of brooding about it because his Big Day was on him like a tornado in a trailer park.
Hiking
I like hiking. I love getting into the woods, following the twists and turns of an interesting trail, catching the occasional panoramic view or natural detail. I don’t mind the exercise, though I only notice it when I think about hiking, now
while I’m doing it. I’m happy going with others or on my own.
Until this year most of my camping and hiking went on hold. It was simply too hard to do with a couple of little kids who insisted on complaining about every step we took. Lately the kids have changed their tune. They seem a bit more willing. At least the girl is. The boy still fusses, but the boy is always fussing about something.
The thing is, I’m not a nature lover. I don’t trust nature. There really are bears and hornets, and rattle snakes and other things in the woods that wouldn’t mind 
taking a bite out of you. Now and then I’ve felt a kind of condescension for people who seem to think of nature as not only benign, but loving. Frankly, I think Mother Nature is a bitc….um… she doesn’t suffer fools gladly.
So I might glow a little while I’m hiking, but you won’t catch me looking all starry eyed while talking about the woods, nature, or any of that junk.
What do you think? Is nature best at all times? Would you like to be a trapper from a couple hundred years ago, a free spirit in the woods? Would you rather hang out at Starbucks? Or is home the best place to be?
Lights On!
Did you wonder what we would have seen if we could flip on a light switch just as Jill started to say “beep, beep, beep?” Wonder no more, simply click on the word “more” below:
Jack and Jill in the Dark
I messed up this week. I was out of town, away from keyboard, and didn’t have anything prepared.
If I had done something, it would probably have looked like this:
Click here to see what is in the picture.
Jack: Jill, what are you doing sitting in the dark?
Jill: The light bulb burned out.
Jack: Oh. I thought you were going to change it.
Jill: I thought you were going to change it.
Jack: Oh. Well…. (long drawn out silence)
Jill: Oh just come to bed. We’ll change it in the morning.
Jack: How do I find the bed?
Jill: Just listen for my voice. I’m already in it.
(silence)
Jack: Well, say something.
Jill: Beep, beep, beep… Eeeek! Jack, your feet are freezing!
Jack: Hee, hee, hee.
But I didn’t do anything like that. What’s more, I don’t have anything for Sunday either. I think I just took an accidental vacation from my blog. Sorry. I’ll have something for Monday for sure.
Suzie’s House 79: Nothing Has Changed, Indeed
In last week’s episode, Suzie and Drew became lovers. For Drew, it was a momentous experience. It changed the way he thought of Suzie, himself, and their relationship. He is ready for something serious. But who knows what Suzie is thinking?
Suzie lay in Drew’s bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Nothing has changed,” She turned her head to look Drew in the eye. “Just because we made love doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything differently.”
He gave a short, tight-lipped nod of understanding, but she didn’t mistake it for agreement.
“Unless you’ll let me into your investigation?” She knew she sounded too hopeful, but couldn’t help herself.
“No.” His answer came out in a short bark, more forceful than angry.
“Then nothing HAS changed.” She let the disappointment seep away along with her hope.
“You’re wrong. Everything has changed. You are mine now, and I’m not going to let you back away from that.” He lifted her hand to his lips.
His? She supposed she was, just as he was hers now. She knew he’d be every bit as faithful as she would. Except she wanted something more. She wanted to give him a part of herself that was no longer hers to give.
“Yeah, you’re right. Everything is different now. Except it isn’t. You know what will never change no matter how I feel about you?” She pushed herself up, and swung her bare legs off the mattress. “Ben comes first.” She glanced at Drew over her shoulder to see how he’d take it. He didn’t so much as twitch a muscle. “If you back me into a corner and force me to chose, I’ll choose him. Not only do I love him, I’m also responsible for him. Don’t try to take that away from me.”
If he’d been like Rob, he would have demanded to know what the investigation had to do with Ben. In a way, Suzie wished Drew would say something stupid like that. Then she could yell at him, remind him that he hadn’t kept Ben safe when he should have. There would be some satisfaction in venting her anger with all the ugly words she kept bottled up. It was the part of her former marriage she’d enjoyed the most.
But Drew wasn’t like Rob. He compressed his lips, and turned his face a way like a man who will not cry for any reason. Knowing him, he already felt guilty enough about Ben. More than guilty enough.
She wished she could say something, anything, to make him feel better, but she couldn’t back down. This was her son she was talking about, a son who needed her more now than ever.
Drew moved to sit beside her. He leaned forward, bracing one elbow on his knee, and ran his free hand across the top of his hair. She thought he might have groaned, but if so it was too quietly for her to be sure.
“All right. All right. You want to be part of the investigation and nothing will keep you from it.”
Suzie nodded, unwilling to trust her voice.
“I’ll let you in on all the information I have and even let you help collect information,” On hearing Drew’s words, Suzie’s heart leapt wildly. Finally, she was making real progress. “But only on two conditions.” Her heart sank. “First, you have to bring Ben back. He isn’t any safer with his father than he would be here.”
Suzie didn’t know if that was true or not, but she was willing to believe it now. With Ben home, she could do more to protect him. Except, if the judge believed she had brought him into a dangerous situation – which couldn’t be argued – she could lose him forever.
“The second is that you can’t toss me out of your bed just because he might not like my being there.”
“Of course not. He wouldn’t….” Suzie couldn’t quite bring herself to say Ben wouldn’t resent Drew. Before she sent him away, that might have been true. But now? She wasn’t so sure. “He doesn’t get to decide who I sleep with.”
Drew nodded. “And no sneaking around about it.” He put his arm across her, and pulled her close. “We’re a couple now. If I have any say in the matter, it’s going to stay that way.”
Stay that way? Did he mean what she thought he meant? If so, it was more than she’d bargained for.
