fwd: 2010 Darwin Awards
You’ve been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2010 Darwin awards.
8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran”, accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
3rd Place
After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham’s leg and then tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS…
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves…. ‘shit happens’.
160 – Temperature
“Mom, have you seen my Winnie the Pooh doll?”
“Not since your little brother took it into the yard.”
“It couldn’t be there, it just couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Pooh is too cool to freeze.”
Monkey Man hosts the 160 Character Challenge. See what you can write in 160 characters or less, spaces included.
Munch, Munch, Munch
Jill: Jack!? What happened?
Jack: Don’t ask. Could you give me a hand? I can’t get up.
Jill: Where is that noise coming from?
Jack: The couch. Seriously, Darling. Help!
Today’s theme is Hands
Previously in Jack and Jill: Rumblerumblerumble Skreee
Yep, I’m still not done with this one.
The rules for Photohunt can be found here.
Be sure to visit the home page.
Suzie’s House 196: First Day of School
He should have known something was up by the buzz. Gene was used to people not talking to him, so he shouldered his way down the hall by himself, ignoring everyone like they weren’t even there. Most of the time people got out of the way. He could be Moses, parting the sea of people just by walking, the way they moved. He liked the idea, but it wasn’t real. Especially when he got close to his classroom. More and more people weren’t noticing him. Like the two girls standing right in front of the doorway.
55 – Query Letter Sent
totally random picture
Like a love letter, the request for an editor’s attention must seduce. In barely a page, it must fill the editor with yearning, pique curiosity, sate the need to know, “Is it worth asking for more?”
Like a love letter, it hurts when a letter goes unanswered, or worse, scorned. Each one sent is an act of bravery.
The challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write a story in exactly 55 words. Flash Fiction 55 is hosted by the G-man, a host with the most.
13 Suggestions for Lists
Off the top of my daughter’s head: 
1. 13 Pairs of Socks (I think I’ll do this one next week.)
2. “13 Months with Holidays. No, wait…”
3. 13 of The Girl’s Drawings.
4. 13 Fake Hair Colors
5. 13 different types of homes
6. 13 Nail Colors
7. 13 House Plants
8. 13 Random Electrical Cords in Mr. Al’s Stuff
9. 13 Cards, like Christmas or special occasion.
10. 13 Of Alice’s Reference Books
11. 13 Pieces of Fabric
12. 13 Genres of Literature
13. 13 Ways to Sit
Which, if any, would you like to see me do?
The Solution?
Did you all check out my slide-show on Monday? Pretty intense. Well, you know human invention is bound to rise to the occasion.
What do you think? Would you use it? Frankly, if the ice keeps up here, I’ll have mine on order by the end of the week.
Fwd: Going Somewhere?
This is from the email called Fwd: Russia in Winter.
I guess I should stop complaining about the lack of road care here.
160 – A Musical Mile
On the stage of the high school auditorium, we are nervous. First recital of the year, and we sounded so bad in class. The teacher raises his baton and we begin the march.
Monkey Man hosts the 160 Character Challenge. See what you can write in 160 characters or less, spaces included.
Inspired by Kavita.
Rumblerumblerumble Skreee
Jill: Gah!
Today’s theme is Shadow
Previously in Jack and Jill: Boom!
This one ties in directly with last week and next week.
The rules for Photohunt can be found here.
Be sure to visit the home page.
Suzie’s House 195: Too Young?
“Innocent?!” Gene sat up so fast he almost fell off the bed. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not.” Tracy gave him one of those looks, like he should know better. “I’m only 13, you know.”
“Yeah, but… but…” He wasn’t sure if he should say she didn’t act like it. “You kissed me first!”
“That was weeks ago!”
He threw his hands in the air. Wasn’t that worse? He hopped off the bed and walked toward the door to the upstairs hall, then realized he didn’t really want to leave his bedroom and ended up right back where he started.
FF55 Dealers
Totally random picture:
The neighbors are dealing. One night, coming home from work, my husband banged on the trunk and shined a flashlight in the car of a “customer”.
“Do you know you’re parked in the wrong spot?”
Furious jumping and furtive stashing proceeded the denial. “It’s a free country, isn’t it? We’ll only be a minute.”
And still they don’t think they’ll get caught.
The challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write a story in exactly 55 words. Flash Fiction 55 is hosted by the G-man, a host with the most.
13 from Fwd: Russia in Winter
On Mondays I post something I call From the Mailbag. It’s generally the kind of stuff you find in a forwarded email. For example, these:
Tracks in Winter
Any guesses what this is?
I was walking along a slick sidewalk, enjoying the fact I could actually walk on it, rather than having to slug through yet another snow drift or risk life and limb on the black ice they consider road, when I noticed the spirally print above.
It’s a footprint.
I know because there was a whole set of them marching along the sidewalk. Off hand I’d guess a man’s size 9.
Don’t see it?
That’s because whoever he was put the equivalent of tire chains over his shoes. It’s a set of springs that clamp onto the bottom of your shoe and supposedly give you good traction.
I wonder if they would fit on my truck.
