Categotry Archives: Jokes
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
I got this joke in the email today and simply had to share. I’m assuming you all know what horrible things are going on in the stock market right now. If you don’t, I’ll be glad to bend your ear. CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, […]
Marilyn or Albert?
To see this in action you have to start with your nose right up to the screen, then step as far back as you can. One way your should see Marilyn Monroe, the other Albert Einstein. Now look around. Is anyone watching you?
Call of the Wildside
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the ‘apex predator,’ can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and ‘survival of the pack mentality’ bred into the canines. See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a […]
Quick and Easy Weight Loss!
It’s true. There’s a way to shed pounds instantly. I can vouch for it myself. I’ll tell it to you for free. I’ll even show you. Check it out.
A Cowboy named Fred
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient: “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle and in a moment he […]
Thurdsay Thirteen #9: Fractured Christmas Carols
Thirteen Fractured Christmas Carols 1. We three kings of porridge and tar. 2. On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me 3. Good tidings we bring to you and your kid 4. O come, froggy faithful 5. Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly 6. Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire. 7. He’s makin’ a list, chicken and rice. 8. Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel. 9. Olive, the other reindeer. 10. Frosty the Snowman […]
Hip replacement
Two Patients Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has time booked for surgery the following week. The second patient sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another week and finally […]
What was on Photostream today
In case you missed it the first time, check this out. Carefully. Alice
Fw: Folks from Texas
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas … If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas . If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas . If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Dallas for […]
